Naming a baby is a special and precious gift for parents. But for some, the naming can become a hurtful process with claimed or "stolen" names. Real parents dish on how they dealt with the dilemma of friends or family wanting to use the same baby name.

Do you remember that episode of Seinfeld where George tries to sell Susan's friend on the name Soda for their soon-to-be-born baby girl? Later, he and Susan have an argument in the car after George reveals that he wants to name their first child Seven. Susan is appalled and tells her friends, who turn around and use the name. George is less than flattered. "What?! They're stealing the name?! That's my name, I made it up!" George exclaims in horror and disbelief.

Surely George's claim to the name and experience with name stealers is just a made up tale, right? Well, Seinfield may have fictionalized it, but name claiming and name stealing happens all the time.

Claimed Name

You think it's just a friendly chat about names ... then your friend or family member drops a bomb: you can't use a name because it's their name for their hypothetical future child.

That happened to 29-year-old Megan, who asked that we not use her last name. When Megan was pregnant with her first child, she and her her sister-in-law, who was also pregnant, were emailing about their potential name picks, which both included Samantha. Megan's sister in law promptly replied that Samantha had been the name she wanted since she was a little girl. "I politely replied, 'Whoever has the baby first wins!' To which she followed up saying she will STILL use the name even if we use it (this was no longer friendly banter). And when you think it can't get any more ridiculous, my mother-in-law calls and tells me that since I have other girl names I like, I should let my sister-in-law have the name Samantha. In the end, I had a lovely girl named Grace and my sister-in-law is now pregnant with her second boy," says Megan.

Megan admits that she was very surprised by her sister-in-law's reaction and she doesn't think that anyone should be able to call a name off limits. Megan says that naming her daughter Grace wasn't a reaction to her sister-in-law though. "Even though my sister in law made her feelings very clear about the name Samantha, she, in no way, influenced the naming of our baby! We were still considering that name along with a few others the day my daughter was born. But when I saw my baby for the first time, the name Grace fit her perfectly," Megan said.

Stolen Name

For the person on the other side of the equation - the one with their heart set on a name - it can be devastating when they share what they think will be their future child's moniker.

For Leslie (name changed at interviewee's request), a casual discussion over dinner where her husband revealed his longtime affinity for the name Aidan turned hurtful when his own brother used the name for his child.

"We were both very angry when we found out they had used that name. My husband has never confronted his brother about it. I did mention to my sister-in-law later that my husband was hurt that his brother had chosen that name. She had no recollection of the previous family conversation, and said that she had chosen the middle name and my brother-in-law had chosen the first name," said Leslie. She says that she thinks it was a subconscious decision, but it changed things for her husband all the same. "No, we will not use that name now. It would be too weird for first cousins to have the same name."

Family Name

For other families, having family members with the same name is the norm. Whether it's several girls of the same generation named after Great Aunt Elizabeth, or Joseph Sr., Joseph Jr., and so on, traditions give parents a different perspective on naming.

Hana Wolf says that with generations of Roberts in her family, she doesn't see a problem with sharing names. "I think laying claim to a name is ridiculous. I would never tell someone that they couldn’t use a particular name. Though, admittedly, had my husband’s brother Peter named his son (born six months before mine) Robert, my husband and I would have been a bit miffed. Even as weird as that would have been, I think we still would have named our son Robert. As for anyone else choosing the name Robert, so be it," says Hana, who is Co-Founder & CEO of Little Jet Set.

Hana says that the name claiming drama is unnecessary. Ultimately, it's the baby that matters most, not the name. "What’s in a name? If parents are that fixated on someone else 'stealing' their not yet born child’s name, then they are clearly not focused on what’s most important with regard to having a baby," says Hana.

Same Name

For those without family traditions, having kids with the same name as another friend's child or a family member can be sticky territory.

Jenny Finke was disappointed when her cousin, who lives across the country, named his son Benjamin just months after her own son was born. But Finke says that ultimately, it really was just a name. "It was kind of awkward and everyone in the family, even his parents, were pretty shocked and a little disappointed in his decision. That said, time has passed enough and those little dramas are not as important as they used to be. It's just a name. Both our boys are well adjusted four-year-olds and they each have unique looks and personalities - that is something no one can take from either of them," says Finke.

When it comes to friends though, Finke thinks it's pretty flattering for a baby to share a name with a friend's baby.

When Amy Bradley-Hole's son, John, was born, her friend suggested that she nickname him Jack. She did so, since her son was the latest John in a long line of Johns in her family. Later, her friend had a son whom she named Jack Henry. "I've noticed that my Jack and her Jack Henry do both look to see who's calling when someone calls out either one of their names. That's if they actually bother to pay attention. They're both little boys, so ignoring is what they're really good at," says Amy.

For Amy, the tradition of using a family name was very important to her family. "We prefer names with tradition and history, not the newfangled, made up sounding names that are trendy right now. We're both very close to our grandfathers, and we wanted to honor them. They were thrilled that our first son carries their names," said Amy.

As for name-claiming? Amy is totally against it. "I think it's a little tacky to do that. Especially if you try to "claim" a name that's fairly common. I would consider someone liking my kid's name enough to bestow it upon their own child as a form of flattery. Unless they did it just to aggravate me. In which case that person probably wouldn't be my friend in the first place," said Amy.

Speak up! What do you think? Is it okay to claim a name? Would you?

Read More:

Baby Name Fights: Find a Name You Both Love

Unique Baby Boy Names

Unique Baby Girl Names

Comments (0)

Subscribe to this comment's feed