happy2bme wrote:

QUOTE:
Well, here's the thing. If you grow up in a Christian home, then you are less likely to do it. And if you do it anyway, you know it is wrong and you feel GUILT, GUILT, GUILT. And then you are more likely to stop doing it instead of just keeping on thinking it's all okay. Parents are allowing their children to think it is okay because they are handing out birth control and that is making the child think, it's okay for me to have sex all I want. Why not let them suffer the consequences of having sex if they're going to anyway? All I know is our children will be taught that it is for marriage and that outside of that it is wrong. I'm not saying they won't ever do it, but I can say that they will be less likely to do it because we will talk with them about it and why they should wait; not hand them condoms and tell them here it is if you want to do it. But I am very sure that it's going to be hard to teach them what's right when all this mess is going on with teens having sex and seeing it everywhere on the media! Also, I don't understand the girlfriend/boyfriend spending the night at each other's house; that is only asking for trouble, even if the parents are there!

Claireheart23: What I meant was, teens were taught to control their urges to have sex and just knew better (I am talking about years ago, when our grandparents were teens). They still wanted to, but stayed away from situations that would tempt them from doing it. I'm not talking about self control with other things, I'm talking about self control with sex. Teens do not HAVE to have sex; it is not a need they have, it is a want. And we can control our wants.

I was raised on Christian GUILT, GUILT, GUILT, and i have massive problems when it somes to expressing myself sexually with my husband, even though i waited until marriage to have sex.

Fiona: I don't understand that. Did your parents go overboard with it? There are 2 extremes. Some parents are so passive and they don't care what their teens do. These are the parents who don't realize THEY are the parents and THEY are in control; they want their children to "like" them, so they are afraid to tell them no or tell them they're wrong. They want to be "cool" with their kids. Then, the other extreme are the parents who are in control, but to the point that they shelter their child from every single thing and don't let them do anything (And I'm not talking about letting them have sex and do whatever). There has to be an inbetween. You have to build a trust with your child. I do believe in letting them do things, but I also believe in parents carefully watching and checking up on them to make sure they are not harming themselves (sex, alcohol, drugs). Parents can do that. And parents should do that, and there is nothing wrong with it. You can check up on your kids without them knowing it. Like Nonny said, teens are still children, not adults yet. They are not mature enough yet to make adult decisions! And we shouldn't expect them to. Now, as far as the GUILT concept, I was raised that way, too. And I did have sex anyway before marriage, KNOWING it was wrong. And it bothered me. I finally realized I have to stop doing this, it's not right. I stopped it, and later on met my husband. He and I did not have sex before we married, and we are sooo glad we waited, because we did not want to mess up our relationship. And now, sex in our marriage is wonderful; we are totally in love with each other just like the first time, 5 years later. But if I had not been taught that sex was wrong before marriage, I would not have felt that GUILT, and I would have kept on doing it and thought nothing of it. And chances are, I wouldn't be where I am today, in a wonderful marriage with a wonderful Christian husband. So this is why I said what I said about we have to teach our children that sex before marriage is wrong and why, even if they are going to do it anyway. B

she lives with us! the girlfriend lives with us! when a little girl practically homeless is dating your son and you have any moral you let her in! i love her like my daughter, and no i'm not encourging sex but i'd rather safe sex!

LilyA, surely there is someone else this child can live with. Does she not have grandparents, aunts, uncles or any other friend besides your son? You have a good heart by taking someone in like that, but it being your son's girlfriend, I would try to find her somewhere else to stay. Are you prepared for your son to become a father anytime soon? Because it is very likely to happen as long as she is living there. No form of birth control can stop it 100%. As I said, please try to find her somewhere else to stay. I don't think you will regret it. I'm not saying they won't try to sneak around, but you can do what you can as a parent and keep a watch on them to try and prevent it. You can also try to talk to him about this and about waiting. As I have said earlier, teens don't usually have girlfriend/boyfriends they are going to marry; they usually break up at some point, meaning they are going to "fall in love" with others; you don't want them having sex with everyone they "fall in love" with! Don't say they won't listen. You have to try to talk to them about it.

By the way, LilyA, my mom died when I was young also, leaving my father with 2 teenage sons, me, and a little sister who was 5 years old. He made it just fine with us. Why is it that this girl's father can't handle her?