happy2bme wrote:

QUOTE:
Fiona: I don't understand that. Did your parents go overboard with it? There are 2 extremes. Some parents are so passive and they don't care what their teens do. These are the parents who don't realize THEY are the parents and THEY are in control; they want their children to "like" them, so they are afraid to tell them no or tell them they're wrong. They want to be "cool" with their kids. Then, the other extreme are the parents who are in control, but to the point that they shelter their child from every single thing and don't let them do anything (And I'm not talking about letting them have sex and do whatever). There has to be an inbetween. You have to build a trust with your child. I do believe in letting them do things, but I also believe in parents carefully watching and checking up on them to make sure they are not harming themselves (sex, alcohol, drugs). Parents can do that. And parents should do that, and there is nothing wrong with it. You can check up on your kids without them knowing it. Like Nonny said, teens are still children, not adults yet. They are not mature enough yet to make adult decisions! And we shouldn't expect them to. Now, as far as the GUILT concept, I was raised that way, too. And I did have sex anyway before marriage, KNOWING it was wrong. And it bothered me. I finally realized I have to stop doing this, it's not right. I stopped it, and later on met my husband. He and I did not have sex before we married, and we are sooo glad we waited, because we did not want to mess up our relationship. And now, sex in our marriage is wonderful; we are totally in love with each other just like the first time, 5 years later. But if I had not been taught that sex was wrong before marriage, I would not have felt that GUILT, and I would have kept on doing it and thought nothing of it. And chances are, I wouldn't be where I am today, in a wonderful marriage with a wonderful Christian husband. So this is why I said what I said about we have to teach our children that sex before marriage is wrong and why, even if they are going to do it anyway. B

My parents made me feel ashamed of my body. Instead of seeing sex as beautiful they made it seem evil and nasty. That is what i meant. We definately teach and discuss with our children about our own morals, but we can't make "sex" out to be nasty and dirty. That is what i meant. Also, congratulations on the great marriage, it's always wonderful when i hear that married people are happy and in love. =). I love my husband, i feel we have a great relationship, but i still carry that idea that sex is "evil", i'm trying hard to change it.

Well, this isn't about that. About the original post, i hope that you as a mother sits down with your son and tell him you are aware of this. You don't need to tell him you saw him but tell him that it not acceptable in your home (if you find it offensive). Remember to tell him its normal to have urges and that these aren't wrong, but the wrong decision could ruin his life. Also, you need to tell this girls parents, keep them aware. It is only with open communication that you can be powerful in your child's life.

To my mind the only thing you are to care about is to prevent the girl's pregnancy if the whole family is against it. But if you taught your son properly and he has his head on his shoulders you should be glad for him. He is adult enough to rule his body. And it is better he has sex with his girl at home and not at friends' or some drunk parties and so on. Sure it isn't a good thing to see it lol - then he must know that it is better when dear mom and dad can't enter and see it. Lock the door, boy. )))

I see what you mean, Fiona. I am not saying to teach kids that sex is a dirty thing. But teach them it is the best and most beautiful thing in the whole world when saved for your future husband or wife.

Whats the % of people waiting till there married? Yeah its the best thing but it doesnt happen.

It doesn't matter what the % is! The point is, we can't just sit there and let it happen and not say anything about it. My children will be taught it is wrong outside of marriage. I'm not saying they won't ever do it, but it won't be because I or my husband is handing them condoms or birth control! I can say that my children will be LESS LIKELY to do it because we will teach them different!

Yeah that would be typical from someone whos forum is How to get Pregnant its not the old days anymore its 2008.