I hurt more than i know how to say. I am so tired of being like this. All i do is bring people down. It's been 10 fucking months. MONTHS. I don't see improvement. I see a shitload of pain & a girl holding on for her sister & best friend. A girl who is more scared than she has ever been in her life. A girl who is so close to a mental breakdown it's awful. A girl who just want's to be able to be a good big sister. A girl who spends her day hoping to see one of those amazing smiles that makes her life worth having. A girl who cries so much you would think she runs out of tears. A girl who is trying to figure out why. A girl who thinks "Maybe tomorrow i'll be better maybe tomorrow i'll feel happy". A girl who hopes for the tomorrow that will change it all. A girl who feel's as if she's running out of tomorrows. A girl who hopes to be just half as happy as she used to be. A girl who just want's to be unbroken again. So many people are telling me so many different things. I hear "Stay strong keep fighting you'll feel better" i hear "Maybe you should see a shrink" i hear "Maybe you need medication" I DONT KNOW ANYMORE i'm so fucking confused. I feel like such a failure.

You are NOT a failure.... You are just YOU and there is nothing wrong with that you are just going through a very hard time you are young and have had to face and deal with some pretty hard things in life already so don't think you are a failure...
You are a great girl who has alot to offer many many people in your life and some day you will look at this time in your life as a massive stepping stone that you overcome and will be able to help others who are going to go through the same things...
From what I have read you are a GREAT big sister and you truely adore her to death....
Try and smile and when things get tough just go to the best person in your life for giving you the compliments and the boost that you need for that particular moment...
Everybody loves you sweetheart and if you don't feel like smiling thats ok just remember you have alot of people on here who are more than willing to throw a few smiles your way for you

Dear Kellymarie,

You are a wonderful person no matter what you may be feeling on the inside. Don't let depression and worry tell you that you are a failure....it's all lies! I've dealt with similar thought and feelings and I know it's tough. And it's hard to be strong. Super hard. But you know what? You will get through this. You will survive. You will come out victorious. You have a ton of people on this site pulling for you sweetheart. We all want to see you happy again. Remember, it's always darkest before the dawn. Maybe you are going through this trial so that when you come out of it you will be that much stronger. I believe in you. I believe that you will pull through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

With much love and support,
Mandi

Kelly, i know it hurts honey, i have been there, i feel everything u are going thru and it kills me that i cant help..
u know how people say, "have a good day"? thats crap, good days just dont happen, u have to make it a good day, its not easy sweety, but the only one who can help you is you, u have to start motivating urself, doing things that make Kelly smile, not ur sister or ur friend..
how can u be expected to give them ur friendship when ur not a friend to urself, u need to start loving Kelly, u need to do things that make u smile, i know u love ur sister more than life, but u have to give to urself b4 u can give of urself, or there will be nothing left TO give..

did u go and stay at ur grandmas like u where gonna? i still think u need a change of environment for A while, just to shake of all the negative feelings that are all around u atm...

*BIG*HUGS*HONEY*
Seaason

Kelly, if I could take the pain away you know I would. I know it hurts honey but you MUST believe that it will get better. It may not seem like it but it will. I don't know how to prove this to you so you are just going to have to trust me. I have been in your shoes when I was exactly your age and it took several years but I made it. It was an uphill battle the entire way and it was hard. The hardest thing I've ever done. There were days when it took all my energy to even open my eyes and stumble out of bed. There were days when I physically hurt from all the pain on the inside. And there were times when all I felt like doing was curling into a ball and just simply disappearing from the world. But you have to push all those thoughts aside. Find some way to distract yourself. Go for a walk. Turn on your favorite song and dance to it even if you look like a fool. Do some thing that you enjoy like reading a good book. ANYTHING that will keep your mind occupied so that you don't just sit and think. Thinking too much about your problems and feelings will drag you down deeper. Seaason had some wonderful advice. Go to your grandmother's house or anyone's house and just get away from it all for a while. I think that will do you a world of good. All of these people on here that are giving you advice are giving it because they care about you and want you to be happy. And we tell you these things not because we just want to give advice but because we want you to see in yourself what we see in you. We see that you are a beautiful, strong, independent, kind-hearted, and intelligent young lady. Kelly, I love you as if you were my own sister and I beg you to not give up. I know it's hard girl but you MUST fight. I can promise you that it will all be worth it one day. I don't know when that "one day" will come, but when it does you I can guarantee that will look back on all this and say "If I can get through that, I can get through anything".

I love you girl. Stay strong. And text me if you need to talk.

You know, getting checked by a doctor would be a good idea. You may have a hormonal imbalance that is contributing to your emotional upheaval. I was just reading something the other day about this "teenage angst" that we adults are so willing to chalk up to just a phase( I mean, all the eyeliner and black clothes do seem a bit out there) well anyway, it said that the teenage brain has not yet developed enough of it's reasoning abilities to deal with the adult issues that are set before it these days. It also talked about the increase in hormones that children are exposed to from the earliest age that cause them to mature physically earlier than in the past. It basically was saying that these young teens, 13, 14, 15, are running around with the body and urges of a 20 year old, and the reasoning of a 10 year old. Now I know that that isn't exactly in corelation to what is going on with you, but if your hormones are out of whack then it can be effecting your mind and the way you are handeling incoming information.