I am now on insulin. As well as the 5 fucking pills i take daily & the (at least) 4 finger pokes i do daily. Woofuckinghoo. Right before we go on vacation. You know what the worst part was? Sitting there fighting tears while my mother & doctor talk like im not even there. Or when they would say lovely things like "Remember Kelly this is all you if you want to get off insulin its up to YOU. Its all about you & up to you." oh really? I'm pretty sure this wasnt fucking up to me. No one fought for me. No one said "Maybe she is trying maybe its harder than you think to be 15 & already pretty fucking different from all your friends & then to throw this in. Maybe shes doing her fucking best maybe instead of talking about how if i wanted too i could bring them down." I DO FUCKING WANT TOO. I apoligiize that at 15 my self control isnt fucking perfect. Yeah its not great but im fucking living with kids who eat like 5 meals a day & eat whatever they want whenever they want. Okay i know its my fucking fault i know its all my fucking fault every thing but fuck why do they have to rub it in my face?? Why do they feel the need to say if you excercised more or had better portion(sp) control this wouldnt be happening. Thanks fucktard i knew that already. I swear to god it was all i could do to not just get up & leave. They were asking why i wouldnt look at them or talk to them maybe its cause you're making me feel like shit? Hey just an idea. My mother tried to say it will all be okay NO IT FUCKING WONT because you wouldnt even defend me. Isnt your mother supposed to be the one who always believes in you always is on your side? Not the one throwing you under the bus saying "If you really want too you know i'll help you." telling me i can be happy again. I am so fucking sick of her blaming every problem i have on the diabetes. She tries to tell me how great she is with people & i should open up to her but she cant figure out that when you're 15, homeschooled, come from a big ass family, curse a LOT, met your best friend & some of the best people ever at AA meetings, dont dress like a whore & hook up with random guys & are diabetic you feel pretty fucking abnormal. Tell me i'm asleep? Please? I want to go back & change it all. I'm pretty sure they're going to change it so i do insulin every time before i eat along with the one i'm already doing so for anyone wondering that would be 4 finger pricks a day 4 shots a day 5 pills a day. I feel dead inside the only thing left is hurt. I went to a concert with my best friend yesterday & i figured i would be okay because she is the main person who makes me happy no matter what but i couldnt even get happy then. I thought maybe it was because i didnt enjoy the concert & i realized it doesnt normally matter what we do if we're together i'm happy. So not even the one person who can make me feel happy makes me smile now. What the fuck do i do? Someone tell me how to be the person i need to be the person i should be.

Chickie I am sooooo sorry, I wish there was something I could say to make the pain go away but I wouldn't know where to start or what to say without chancing making it worse for you.It's hard enough being a teenager these days let alone going through what you are on top of it all.... Just know that venting and letting it all out like you have just done can help a little so just keep venting in here if you have to no one is going to tell you to stop and those that do will get a mouthful from a few of us on here.... You are a gorgeous girl with so many positive points about you and I for one hate to see such a sweetheart feeling the way you do.... All I can suggest is just make sure you don't keep it all bottled up inside, if you need to let it out then let here be the one place you can feel free to do so

We all love you Kelly

Kelly i wish i could do something to make you feel better..I feel like an awful friend cause i cant do anything...
I am always here if you want to talk..
WE LOVE YOU KELLY!!
*HUGS*

I totally agree with AngelRoseMiistiique... I have no idea what it is like to be your situation but don't keep it bottled up... You just keep talking and we all will be here to do or say any little bit of anything that might help you along.

You are a strong sweetheart of a girl. Just hang in there... I wish we lived closer so I could be your friend in person not just online...

You are in my prayers!
*HUGS* from a friend who wishes she could do more...

If you ever are in RI my house is yours... feel free to make yourself at home

I sympathise. I was the fat girl growning up, and no matter what I went to the dr for, she would always attribute it in some way to my weight. I got so tired of hearing that my ear infections, kidney infections, pink eye, and sprained ankle were all a result of my being fat. I'd like to say that I showed that Dr by losing a ton, but I didn't. I am a big fat ass because I have no self control and I looooove food and I am fucked in the head just a little bit.

My only advice I can give is what worked for me. I drank 100oz of water every day, gave up soda pop all together, left off all mayo, and did 30 min workout every day (Sweatin To The Oldies). In 2 months I lost 20 lbs, but some of that was the glucophage my dr gave me for appetite suppression (metformin). It didn't really take away my appetite, it just made me so gassy that I didn't feel like eating.

My husband was cured of diabetes in 45 minutes. He had the lap band and has not had an abnormal sugar since. Then agin, he can't eat any white breads, he can't do Pizza (white bread in the crust), peanut butter, or steak. He can't drink anything during or for an hour after his meal, and all his meals for the day would fit on one dinner plate. It sucks, but I can not weight (hehe) for my turn.