So everything was fine til like an hour ago now i don't know anymore now i've fallen back into the hole i cant get out of out of this stupid fucking depression ive been stuck in since September every fucking time i think im close to feeling better to being better i slip again & go back to being ready to hurt myself. I realized im honestly killing myself every fucking day with this diabetes i try & take care of myself & the stupid fucking blood counts wont come down & i am honest to God hurting myself because i cant get them down & now its like whats the point in prolonging my death? I'm going to die anyways why wait a few years? I'm not needed by anyone hell im not sure im wanted by anyone...I just dont know what to do anymore i know i need help fuck it i want help but i cant ask i've always done 99 percent of things for myself my parents had my little siblings to deal with & my older siblings couldnt have cared less so im not able to just walk up & say "Hey so i need help" its just not me & theres no way they'll notice theyre clueless they cant see me in the least i mean Jesus Christ i almost killed myself in October & no one fucking noticed! God i just want to be able to walk up to my mother & ask "How the fuck do you not notice that im unhappy? That im depressed? That im fucking suicidal? I mean God am i that good of an actress that you cant fucking notice ive been depressed since SEPTEMBER? God im your fucking CHILD & you cant even see that im upset much less ready to kill myself to solve my problems!" no one in my fucking family can tell im upset can tell i just want to die to fix my problems! If i went & told her right now "Mom i almost killed myself in October" she would be so fucking suprised it would be funny! My grandmother is the only one who knows that i nearly killed myself & that was because i told her i mean the truth is shes the reason im still here
Urgh im sorry this is so long & stupid but i needed to get it out maybe i'll feel better tomorrow

Dear Kelly,

Reading your vent made me cry, I know whats its like to feel suicidal and I have lost count the amount of times Ive tried to kill myself too. I have hurt myself so many times. I know what its like to feel like no-one cares and to feel like no-one wants to help you. Its hard to ask for help but mayb because your grandmother knows she can help you get the help you need. I have had depression for nearly 7 years and seeing even just your GP can help. They can recommend you to counsellors and u dont need to tell your parents why your going to the doctor. Just talk to your grandma she seems to be a understanding person...

They won't take me to the doctor without demanding to know why & if i go to see a physciatrist they will want to know even more & my grammy is in Texas she cant help me in that sense maybe it would be better if she would just tell them at this point i dont care anymore

Sorry i dont know what else you can do... I guess it was easier since my mum knew and she helped me get help trust me tho i wasnt as willing as u are to get help i hated it...i thought i could deal with it but i couldnt. do u not have someone older like an aunty or uncle that u can tell or a family friend?

Kelly, you really made me cry
We all Love you and Want you.
you are soo much fun to talk to!
I have a friend who is diabetic and I have 3 teachers that are too... I have no clue what you guys go through but I do know its hard... I can see my friend struggling with it...
I am praying for you... and if you ever want to talk about something I can try and help or listen....

Love ya Kelly!!

hey kelly im not really sure if this well help but ill try

1. not sure if you have type one or two diabetes but maybe talk to your GP or something and look into getting the pump, before i got this my levels were very out of wack one minute they would be low the next heaps high and it seemed i was constantly having hyposand because i have Celiac Disease it made my diet very hard as i was constantly searching for tastey gluten free foods etc. i would often spend weeks at a time in hospital trying to stabalise my levels and i had put off getting the pump as i didnt really want something constantly joined to me but now that i have it, life is a lot easier. although it is a little expensive not 100% sure of the price it is really worth it.


2. not really sure what i can say to relate to how your feeling, but i too have had my lowest moments in my life, i would love to explain but i dont really want to say on here so pm me or add me on msn if that is easier but when i was in year 8 in high school some events happened to me and have changed my life forever. after these events i wasnt sure who i could turn to and for ages after this i found it VERY hard to trust people. i felt like i was being punished or something for not being perfect and for being selfish towards somethings etc and for ages i felt like i didnt belong here and that i meant nothing to my family and friends and that i was worthless and a waste of space it wasnt until i think i had reached my lowest point and with the aid of some friends i realised that i was irreplacable (just like you) and that no one in this world could ever be a better me than me.


we may not be perfect and what people want us to be but we are who we are cause thats the one god made us, and there will/are people out there who love us for who we are. we are never given more than we can handle we just have to work out how we can handle the challenges that we are given.

hope this helps and sorry for the ramble....i will PM you my msn addie feel free to add me if you want to talk so i can try explain myself better just didnt feel comfortable saying on here