First of all hello

I am with a little issue about parenting (since it's my first time and it's not easy) here is the problem:

I can't have children but since i wanted to be a mother really bad nowaday taht's not hard!
So me [and my husband] have decided to adopt a child, this may sound weird to you people because when you think of adoption you think about little boys and girls but we wanted to help someone who had a hard time so we didn't choose any age limit, as a result the social assistant asked us if we minded to adopt a 14 year old boy and we said we wouldn't mind at all, this sounds a bit crazy but that's the way it is.
So he has a really hard life story and passed through a lot, specially with his father (i don't know how someone can treat a young child/teenager so bad that kind of people make me sick ), but the point is that i don't know how to act with him because he is a little afraid of me and my husband you come close to him and he starts trembling and he keeps having bad dreams and i don't really know what to do, i really want to help him but it's complicated because he doesn't allow me.
Can someone please help me? I really don't know what to do and how to act anymore , but i WON'T quit.

Ps. i'm sorry about my english it's not perfect but i don't live in England, USA, Australia,...

Oh that is really great that you have adopted a boy at 14, just talk to him about anything even if there is no response and tell him he is safe with you and your hubby and no one is ever going to hurt him again and just make him feel safe by talking to him or even like hug him.
Hope this helps

Brieal

I'm just 17 years old and I don't have any experience in this subject. my advice is, you and your husband can talk to him about anything, like sports and music and go out with him, to a park or a zoo or to a shopping and buy anything that he wants, take him to a place that he never went. talk to him and tell him that he is part of the family now, that he is safe and he will be loved by you and your husband.
one more thing, you and your husband can buy him an animal(a dog or a cat) cause animals can help kids forget and let behind problems that they passed, especialy the dogs, one day i was reading an article that said that dogs can feel what we think and how we feel and they can help the people. in the article said that some phicologysts use the animals like an therapy with kids that have been abusded physical and mental and kids with problems with the parents. so with the dog he will play with him and take care of him and he will forget some of the things that he passed through. this is just my opinion.

hope this helps, and let us know how is doing your family.
GOOD LUCK

Tess

PS. sorry my english, it's not my first language too.

i think this boy needs to know how to trust you.

Thanks everybody for your help.


Joana

I was adopted when I was 12. Yes, I had troubles adjusting. My parents was kind to me and loved me right from the start (that's why they chose me) I hadn't such a hard life before but I was kinda afraid cause I wasn't used to such a treat. But through the love I started to trust them. It takes a lot of patience and time. It was easier (at least I think) for me because there were also my future siblings close to my age. He's teenager and even teenagers from "normal" family backgrounds are distrustful But you can teach him that you love him and he can trust you! Just be patient... Tell him that he can rely on you, that he can trust you. But first of all you have to trust him. I'm sure he'll be grateful and that's a good start. It is also important not to push him too much. It takes time. It's hard decision but you're doing a right thing! I love my mom and dad - they're the only parents I have. Hope this helps a little. Good luck to you and your family! Kate.