okay well, i miss my bestfriend, whose gone for good now
rip steven, life without you isn't the same. i just don't know
what to do without you.

and sex, its driving me crazy, ever since i did it the first time,
its basically taken over, me and justin recently did it,
and i liked it but i'm scared that he's going to leave me now
that we have, i know i'm sixteen and i shouldn't be doing it ,
and i def shouldn't have been doing it when i was 14, but i did
and i still do. but i'm not sure our relationship is ready for the
consequences.

and today, i saw my ex and his new girl, and oh my.
i wanted to kill them both, they hugged and kissed right in front of me,
stupid boy and girl, he was my first so i mean i still sorta have feelings
for him, and no one will change that!! urg.

sorry had to get that out.

I think that after your first time, it's hard to stop. Your hormones rage even more. You'll be fine. Make sure you have pleanty of protection. Love doesn't go away over night. It takes a long time for feelings to dissolve. Even if you never loved the person, they were still your first, and still took that special moment away. If he's doing all of that infront of you w/his other girlfriend, than he's just making you jealous. I would ignore it. If it continues to happen then he knows that it's getting to you. But if you don't want to be w/him then you need to ignore it. If you still have feelings for him then maybe you should tell him.